“WE DON’T HAVE TO DO ALL OF IT ALONE. WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO.” -BRENE BROWN
MORE ABOUT LOOKING TO BUILD OUR FAMILY
Our Story
Alex and I met in 2012 at Grand Valley State University (Go Lakers!). We were neighbors at an off-campus apartment complex, and luckily due to our more outgoing roommates, we became friends. Through studying, pranking, and a lot of laughter, I realized what an amazing man he was. We dated until December 3rd, 2016 when Alex asked me to marry him! I immediately said yes. Between getting engaged and married we bought our charming home in the Alger Heights Neighborhood of Grand Rapids. We’ve been working on home projects ever since! We got married on February 3rd, 2018. It was the best day!
We planned to start a family soon after getting married but wanted to travel and explore first. I had dreamed of traveling through Europe and had managed to save $1,000 for the trip. 2019 was the year we planned to make the trip happen.
In Fall 2018 I went to an annual checkup at my primary care doctors office. I’ve never really had any significant health issues but just brought up anything that might be unusual. I mentioned a hard lump in my right breast. My doctor recommended I have an ultrasound done to rule it out as cancerous. I went to the ultrasound appointment, still thinking I was being dramatic about it all. The ultrasound was inconclusive. They recommended I either have a biopsy done or come back in 6 months to see if anything had changed. I decided to do the biopsy. It wasn’t until this point that I told Alex what was going on. I didn’t want him to worry. The biopsy came and went (and was quite painful). I called to get the results and was shocked to learn that I had breast cancer. We learned this on November 14, 2018. 9 months after our wedding. Our travel money quickly disappeared thanks to our health insurance deductible. Alex was by my side as we scrambled to learn as much as possible about invasive ductal carcinoma and what the future would hold for us and our family.
Since then there’s been a lot of tears and pain. Treatment began quickly with a bilateral mastectomy on December 21st, 2018, which would be followed by 16 rounds of chemotherapy over the next 5 months. Building a family was important to us so in January 2019 we did an egg retrieval before I was to start chemotherapy. We got 6 embryos! (Yay!) At the time, my oncologist said I could use my embryos 3 years after completing treatment to have a child. Chemotherapy began only 2 days after my egg retrieval. It was intense and made me feel awful. After my first round of chemo, I was having a hard time walking upstairs without taking a break. I figured that that’s what chemotherapy made me feel like. Luckily Alex knew something was wrong. Turns out the combination of the egg retrieval and starting chemotherapy caused me to get a pulmonary embolism. I’ll always be so thankful that Alex caught that and saved my life. Unfortunately our 1 year anniversary was spent in the hospital with me recovering from that. But we made the best of it and celebrated with a slice of our wedding cake we had frozen on our wedding day!
During chemotherapy my oncologist decided to focus on performing surgeries so I would be assigned a new oncologist. My new oncologist, Dr. Tsai, was lovely and kind. I was always itching for a different opinion on when I could become pregnant, not wanting to wait 3 years after treatment. She said 9 months after finishing treatment I could try to get pregnant! She was my new favorite person. I was ecstatic that I wouldn't have to wait so long.
Chemotherapy and radiation slowly went by but life was still continuing. I went to work, spent time with family and friends, and felt so loved. One night a friend of mine asked me to dinner with both our husbands. She surprised us by offering to be our surrogate! We couldn’t believe it. We were so grateful by her offer! We were the happiest the next few weeks. Due to timing and building her own family though, it hasn’t been able to work out. We’ll always be grateful for their kindness and compassion. We still had surrogacy in mind as an option to use our embryos. This would allow me to continue taking my long-term medications to reduce the risk of a re-ocurrence.
In the midst of radiation I found out that my position at work was being eliminated. I was confused and devastated. I worked with some of my closest friends and loved our work culture. In August 2019 I had my last day as a Supports Coordinator at MOKA, a community mental health agency. Since then, I’ve been trying to find my perfect fit. The side hustles became my main hustles.
But... I also finished treatment in August 2019! 🎉 We also found out we won a trip to California through Little Pink Houses of Hope. Their mission is to provide families with vacations to relax and recharge either during or after treatment. We shared this vacation with strangers in similar situations as us who have now become friends.
When radiation ended, the pills started. I currently take Arimidex and Zoladex to starve my body of hormones since that is what feeds my cancer. The Zoladex also preserves my ovaries. I started counting down my 9 months until I could become pregnant!
And then I got a different and THIRD oncologist. In August 2020 our family plan was upended yet again. My new oncologist recommends being on the Arimidex 2-3 years before becoming pregnant. The changes in recommendations have been incredibly difficult for Alex and me. There’s no clear cut research on whether getting pregnant can cause a re-occurrence. It would be a risk to go off of my medication to become pregnant as that could cause the cancer to come back.
Right now, Alex and I are trying to explore all our options. We discuss fostering and adopting as well and both agree we want to do that in the future. Since we have these embryos ready we would love to use them. The risk of me going off my medication before the total 5-10 years is significant. We believe that surrogacy would be the best option for us and hope that we find that wonderful person who will help us start our family!
Check out the links at the top or bottom of this page for more information about surrogacy in Michigan and who we’re looking for ❤️
To learn more about my cancer journey and the impact it's had on us, Voices, A Personal & Family History Project
interviewed Alex and I at Gilda's Club Grand Rapids while I was completing radiation therapy.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=871011416619397&extid=Ey7NNs9fGp6hpsaK
